What is uttered from the heart alone, will win the hearts of others to your own; so I will bleed, and I wont close off any veins.

Can I make you fall in love with me? With who I am?
Am I captivating?
Inviting?
Exciting?

Am I worth your time, your effort?
Will you invest in me?


My feeble heart tries to muster the courage to find the light in who I am...I have been told I am good, I am an angel, I am beautiful, genuine, real, comparable to Christ...many people have said overly generous things to me...I see no reason for them to lie...but wonder if they are blinded by something, by some fake persona I put on, although, I feel like I wear no mask, I feel vulnerable; so my "logic" doesn't make sense, I have to break down the walls of lies I have believed and built along with the critics...my friends and family, everyone has not seen my dark past, and so it becomes easy to dismiss what everyone says, although, I try not to, and I am learning.

The issue is that I easily believe what has been said about me, the negativity in my life, because it is easy to see my faults. If life was black and white, it would be easy, because all the black could be picked apart and thrown away to allow me to see the good white. But there is grey, and several shades in me. Introspection becomes difficult when you are looking for the good, because you always feel like you fall short.

Attempt one was an epic fail...

So I will try to silence the voices that repeat in my memory, and silence my demons, and just let Christ speak. I want to see His countenance in me.

I am learning:

That I am learning. I am too young to decide that I have ruined the rest of my life.

I was made to love, and love freely, deeply, passionately, fiercely, unconditionally.

I have alot to give.

I am not a failure.

I am the glue that holds my relationships together...and I don't mind.

I have faith, hope and a testimony.

I am understanding, patient, willing, mature, honest, funny, free spirited, considerate, bold, and sweet.

I don't have to be perfect, I just do my best, because that's all I can do, and I have to be content with that.

I am new. I am ever changing. I hold on to past experiences so I know how to decide what is true, right, and good. But I wont live in the past, I cant do that.

I am me, I making my own choices, and despite the consequences, both acceptable and not so welcomed, I am dealing with life the best way I know how and that's all I can do.

I am fearless.

I am selfless.

I would rather love and lose than to never have loved at all. I learn so much. And maybe after enough heart ache and heart break, I will be good enough for some man.

I am good enough.

I wear my heart on my sleeve.

I am important.

I have to depend on myself, but be willing to let others in, and let them help me...I have to be the place where I find my self esteem, I have to be my own home. So its time to clear out the clutter.

I just have to love and accept me, all of me, all my faults, and see my potential and love it all. Embrace myself, because I am not stuck being a lesser version of me, like I said, I am ever changing.

I will never really be able to say goodbye to people in my life, especially the people I care for...and I care for alot. My heart can only get bigger, luckily, its not a glass or stone heart...its elastic, so it can expand and grow...and the worth is that of gold.

I am one of the best friends a person can have, because I am not a convenient friend, because I truly and genuinely care, because I want to be the best, so I am. I will do anything for someone I love, even die.

I am strong, because I am weak.

I am humble, but I am proud. I don't think anything more of me than I do of others, and I don't compare, because there is no validity in the comparison. I am me, and I am measuring up against who I used to be to who I am today, and hoping for who I want to be tomorrow.

I wont play a victim, or allow others to hurt me. I will not just hold on, but will be more than what I think I am. I will push my limits, and let Christ make up for all the rest I am lacking.

I have to find humor, smile and laugh...it makes life so much easier.

I have to count my blessings. Enough said.

I am nothing without Christ, but with him, I am everything, and I can do anything. I trust him completely. He is my best friend, and never lets me down. He is constant and stable, what I need. He is the center of my life.

I have alot of imperfections, I am the epitome of imperfection. Those flaws make me beautiful and interesting. The scars and dents can be transformed by only one...and he makes everything beautiful, and he most certainly doesn't make mistakes.

People and situations don't make me who I am... I need only Christ and myself, because we make a great team. But I want you here.

I can never hurt too long before Christ saves me and sends me an angel.

I am never really alone. Ever, in any way.

I make myself happy, if I want to be some way, then I need to BE that way. I am the only one who hinders myself.

I hate drama, so if I am not happy anymore or I am stressing and there is nothing I can do, and I am no longer in control of the situation, I will withdrawal and let God do his work. He fixes everything.

I want to be better. I want to be wonderful. So I am becoming, and that is beautiful.

If my heart were a house, you would be home.

I'm getting my stuff together. I can walk against the rain. And tomorrow will be better, I will make my today's my tomorrows if I don't feel like I can handle my today.

I can move on.

Being happy should always come naturally. So I will naturally always be happy.

Christ is fixing me. I am under construction, in the fire...swimming in deep waters...better than not.

I am really good at being thoughtful, and nurturing. I am intuitive, and I am woman.

I may stumble and fall, but that makes me nothing less. Period.
I am humble enough to ask Christ for help, strong enough to push myself up, and brave enough to move on.

I am moving on. I am changing. I am facing my fears. I am brave.

I keep a smile when I have every right to break down.

I have seen alot of things in my life, and everything has given me experience so I can help others along the way.

I see people, I see them for who they are. I find the good in people and in life.

I love to help people. I love to love people.

I am super affectionate with people. And I easily become attached, and it is impossible for me to become unattached.

I am sensitive to peoples feelings.

I am easy to work with.

I am dependable, loyal, compassionate, selfless, dedicated, loyal, charitable.

I am a good friend. I am a good listener, and teacher.

My emotions are very real, very strong and overwhelming, I am starting to see the gift in that curse.

I am real.

I am playing my role.

I don't care about all the pain in front of me, so what if I break down, the world throws me off the edge, and my feet run out of ground? Things will always work out for the better because God is over all. And he takes care of me.

I have alot of depth to me.

I am incredible, irresistible and irreplaceable.

I am finding my place, hearing my sound-playing my song and changing my vision to that of eternal perspective. "Heavenly eyes".

I am going to dance, and I will shine. I am not going to settle. I will take chances, I will write my own book. I wont regret that I didnt try.





...


I may not fully grasp that I am intelligent, wise, beautiful, virtuous, or morally strong, but I wont give up trying to understand, believe and embrace that knowledge. Its gotta be there if people are pointing it out.I need to know I am good, I need to know my heritage. I need to know I am a child of God, with all the qualities of one who is grand, precious.

I'll get back to you when I know that I know, finally.


I just want to be happy. So I will make my way.

“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best...I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when their right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust noone but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together."

-Marilyn Monroe