Thursday, March 26th, 2009

Wow it has been a ridiculous amount of time since I last wrote anything. There is so many things that have been filling my life up, and pushing other things out. Some for the good, some for the bad. But more so good than not so.

I have made wonderful new friends, and found great supports this last month. I am discovering a new part of me, and a new part of life. Motion is so lovely to be in, but as I struggle to hold on to savor the moment, joy takes over and precedes my desire and soon I am all run out of time.

I am not in rush, I am learning that maybe I can settle down after all. If I cant make it to school this year, I will go when I can. If I don't have a job right now, maybe the jobs out there aren't really meant for me. I take my dog with me, and we go on walks and runs on the more lovely days here in Utah, (if there are such things that exist). I sit in pure bliss, thinking and working. Enjoying time. Why must we be old and retired to enjoy time. Why not now?

I promised myself I would move on from my past and I have. A thorn I have had is gone, completely the wound is healing, and sometimes I pick at my scab. But that's OK. Change seems to be the most constant thing. And despite my rather, reluctance to it, I go.

I am training now, I enjoy the time I get to. The people I train with are fantastic people. I am learning another language in the process. The pain is worth it, every drop of sweat seems to bring me joy.

Although I am slowing down, I still have so much to do. I am struggling to keep up with the last 2 weeks of school, it feels like senioritis all over again, yet, I am a freshman!

Boys...boys come and go in my life, I have a few crushes now and then, a little jealousy of the girls who are getting married and having kids. But then I get to remember that my wedding will be just as wonderful, probably more so, my marriage.

I have come to find I have one of my most dearest of friends going to serve a mission. I was at first shocked to hear, as I read her blog. Sad, she was leaving, as I am awfully fond of her, and I greatly admire, depend, lean and am very attached to her. Texting is immediate, as writing snail mail seemingly takes years. But so happy for her, because I know its the right thing to do and will bring her joy beyond comparison.

Anyways I am again, short on time. And I must leave.

Birthdays

So why are birthdays "so important"? I asked my friend this question.

It is a reason to celebrate YOU.

You came into this world, and have grown,

expanded,

achieved success,

and are still achieving.

So why is it that when something is so important, or more like someone, they are forgotten about, and disregarded? Why is something else more important than a soul?

All I have asked for my birthday is the time of those I love, just them and their time.

Yet, I will be lacking.

Tragedy really. Maybe I deserve loneliness and suffering as punishment for my previous actions. I should just spend it alone. Happy Birthday to me. More Birthday to me than "happy".