Today:

I am alive.
I am breathing, although, figuratively it may be painful.
I am content.
Is good.
A blessing.

*sigh*

It takes alot to make me have a bad day and feel over loaded with life [in general]. Today as I sit in English, in room 705 my mind is preoccupied with the events of this morning.

Half my bills have been paid, and my two major ones are coming up. I will barely make it.

A faulty projector calls my attention as the class begins to laugh at the haunted thing...it zooms in on its own whims.

Back to my own little world. "Well thank God I have such wonderful parents!!" and the optimistic side of me is trying to help me see today with a brighter light.

Surely the funds are low, the bills are high, I am receiving harassing calls from collection companies. I have homework to make up from missing 3 weeks of school because I was sick, then I have the homework that is happening now, and due in the near future, any other time, I would be so happy that this semester is going by so quickly, but not under these circumstances.

It seems like I can never catch a break, but something inside of me tells me not to quit. To keep going even though I just want to fall down and sit and cry and hide. Dont quit. Just dont quit. There has got to be a way.

Almost 20

ok, so I am young. I have my whole life ahead of me, but today, I am left feeling the pangs of loneliness. True, soul suffocating loneliness.

Surely I have wonderful friends, amazing. My closest and best friends are amazing. But they too are living their own lives, and I wish I was more a part of theirs. There is something inside of me I wish to be able to share, everything and inside of me.

But I am selfish too. I want to be someones special one.
The one that they know, no matter what, that they want to spend every moment with me, talk about everything with me, discover life with me. Me and me alone.
I want to be enraptured with love.

And although my friends love me, they cannot offer what I seek.
There is so much I want to do and say, places I want to go, things I want to see.
I want a hand to be there as I do those things.

I am faced to force my lack of a serious relationship with every corner I turn, a couple kissing, a new facebook notification "engaged" relationship change, I go to church and things are constantly discussed time and time again.

There is so much in my life I feel like I need to work on, and quite honestly do. I dont know where my future husband is, what he is doing...I would like to think I knew, but time after time, over and over I learn that I really dont know too much. I would like to say that I know where is he is. There is someone I like, but unfortunately I dont know my future. And I hate getting caught up on someone I dont know wat will happen when things have only begun ever so slightly and yet I fall deeper and deeper.

My husband must be in the works...I know I will have one. I just wish it was him...

A new post

I am feeling really inspired to write today, I can never help the urge to write, I must cave, I must give in and allow my heart to speak. It has been a year since my darkest days, and I want to share with you what I have learned-sometimes I feel like I have learned all there is to know about life, that i have experienced everything, but then I am quickly reminded by a patient and loving Father in heaven that I haven't learned that much looking through eternity, I have a long way to go.

1. Life isn’t fair, but its still good!!
God never intended for us to have a perfect life, but one filled with trials, pains, losses, addictions, bad, sad, tragic moments-only because He had planned to have Christ be our savior. How greatly understated that is. Because we have Him, we need not worry about the small and insignificant problems and issues here on earth-God's plan was one of HAPPINESS not of misery, so be assured, there is everlasting happiness in your future.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
So you don't think you can lose the 200 some odd pounds, well, prove to yourself that you can, go for a walk! Do something, silence that inner critical voice. DO what your told you cant.

3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

4. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
Laugh. Hard and loud and fully everyday, humor changes all things and makes life much easier to ear when things go astray. We are human-we are not going to be prefect and get things right the first time we try them out!!

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6. You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
There is nothing just black and white, nothing is ever 100% right or 100% wrong. There is good, better and best.

7. Cry with someone. It’s more healing than crying alone.
Reach out, most often others are too afraid to reach out themselves.

8. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.

9. When it comes to sweets, resistance is futile.

10. Make peace with your past so it won’t screw up the present.
Ok, I am one of the least perfect people out there, I mess up-ALOT. So what, as long as I get up again, and keep moving forward, I will eventually get where I want to be-timing doesnt matter in the sense of perfection.

11. Don’t compare your life to others’. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

12. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn’t be in it.

13. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don’t worry; God never blinks.
And when it is time for bed, sleep. You have done all you can do, leave it to god, He never sleeps/

14. Life is too short for long pity parties. Get busy living, or get busy dying.

15. You can get through anything if you stay put in today.
Tomorrow is going to come.

16. A writer writes. If you want to be a writer, write.

17. It’s never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.

18. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don’t take no for an answer.

19. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don’t save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
Material things fade and go, relationships are worth more, people are worth more.

20. Overprepare, then go with the flow.

21. Be eccentric now. Don’t wait for old age to wear purple.

22. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

23. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: “In five years, will this matter?”

24. Always choose life.

25. Forgive everyone everything.

26. What other people think of you is none of your business.
And it doesn't matter, they are not the ones who have to live with YOU.

27. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.

28. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

29. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your family & friends will. Stay in touch.

30. Believe in miracles.
Faith is powerful.

31. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn’t do.

32. Whatever doesn’t kill you really does make you stronger.

33. Growing old beats the alternative - dying young.

34. Read the Psalms. They cover every human emotion.

35. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

36. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back.

37. Don’t audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
Start with what you got and make it better along the way.

38. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful.
Including entertainment.

39. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

40. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

41. The best is yet to come.

42. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

43. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

44. If you don’t ask, you don’t get.

45. Yield.
Learn to say no.

46. Life isn’t tied with a bow, but it’s still a gift.

47. Don't build your life around events, people or objects. Because when their gone...you too fade into seemingly nothing. Your life doesn't depend on what the person sitting next to you is thinking, YOU matter. If we only saw ourselves the way God saw us.
Build your life around Christ. He is loyal.

Well I am back off to my life, I hope you enjoyed.