1558 miles

Thats how far away you are from me.

Saying I miss you is never going to be enough.
Your my home, I need you. I miss you.
My heart is not in Salt Lake, it is with you.

Please, come home.
I really miss you.

I really miss you.

If words were sufficent to even begin to touch on the depth of my emotions, I doubt I would even begin to know where to look to find them.

Grandpapa, its been 9 years...and in 3 days, Grandma, it will be 8. You both left my world so suddenly. I remember the way you smelt, the way your kisses tasted...your vocies, I am sad to say, I dont remember. I remember your embraces...I would give anything to spend an hour with you. Anything.

I wish you were here, I wish you could see me, I wish I could drive the 3 hours to come see you, because if I could I would. Its hard not having you around. I wish I could know what you thought about me, my life...I wonder if I make you proud, or if you turn your head in shame...I wish I could hear you tell me you love me, I wish I could hear you tell me I was your favorite...

It almost a decade, that sounds like a long time, and I still feel like you left me yesterday. I remember when I got the news you had passed, those memories are so vivid. I wish I could have one more moment with you, I should have run back for one more hug and kiss.

I am impatient for the day to come when I will see you once again, and feel your safe embraces. I miss you so much, and there is nothing to cure it, I cant write you a letter, I cant call you, I cant drive up and come see you-nothing but wait. I love you.

the fork.

I now stand about a month away from school ending.

I am barely making it through school, nerves...anxiety...their not leaving me alone.
But I am dealing, I am trying and thats all I can do for now. I can only offer my best.

My best friend will soon be leaving to go on his mission.
My other best friend wants me to go to Washington with her for summer sales...
And my other best friend wants me to join her in going to Texas or Mississippi for summer sales.

Oh man, there is going to be some major praying going on. The time is quickly coming and I will need to decide. I wish I could split myself into several people so I could do everything. Time for God to answer, He didnt ask me to ask Him with no intention of answering.

Oh man.