My uneventful summer...

Has been busy. Two contradictions, this I understand. But you can always have two contradictions, this is surely life inevitable.

I have realized that I haven't really posted anything since I was sick all the way back in June!! I'm sorry my life hasn't had anything I find worth posting over. But, today that has changed!!



I have had the chance to visit with so many of my good friends over this summer, some I haven't seen in over 4 long years!! And there are still some friends I want to visit with, maybe I will get to see them before 2009 ends!!



I have been donating plasma, I started over a year ago...that's a long time. I also note that about this time a year ago is when I became very close to my bestest friend, Shaina...our first anniversary love!! ;)



I have been thinking alot...ALOT is an understatement.

I want to attend FIDM in LA, California, but considering that California is on the verge of bankruptcy, and my mothers strongly opposed opinion, it has made me think more than once about this. Of course, this is the school of my dreams-it has its benefits, good jobs, some of the best, a great education, amazing connections and people-I love California. But considering that in order for me to attend, I have to spend $36,000 just on tuition for 15 months. Living there, the cheapest housing you will be lucky to find is $800 a month. Yikes!!

If I do end up moving out there, hopefully it will be by January of 2011. It is so weird, I will be 21 by then...life has changed so much since I was in high school.

I just took out my first student loan-a grand total of $3500. This will pay for my tuition, and supplies-hopefully I can purchase a laptop, I need one badly-being in college, its kind of a requirement.

I went fishing this summer with my dad and his scouts, I, for the first time, caught more than one fish at a time. Something I was very pleased with!! Eight perch in about an hour!!

I want to travel. I want out of Utah. I have never been more annoyed now than I am with the construction going on here. Every street I hit has an orange cone...our new state color!! I haven't been on a vacation since I was 12...the years when I need it most, are the ones I cant afford to go. I want to go to California, of course. Alaska, New York, Brasil...I just want to leave the place I have been for so long. Utah is a safe place to live, there is no argument with that, but it is a bit redundant. No so much my taste.

My brain and body are healing, finally. After I was in the hospital in June, I was so sick and lethargic for 2 months, all I could do is lay in bed, or sit in a chair...I swear watching all the movies and TV I did...I killed brain cells. But now I am walking again, I try to go everyday, as time permits, either that or I do a fitness video with my little brother Chad-we have a blast.

Well, to keep things short, since I have little time, I have to end here. But I will be writing more, life is getting interesting and picking up now.

Never too far away is all I want.

It has been a long time since I have written here. I have been pondering life and everything in it from the center of my being. I have come to a few conclusions:

There is definitely some changes that are needed immediately.
I have a good life-good people.
I am only as sick as my secrets, mind over matter.
I want the good, the best things in life, but I haven't been giving myself them.
I am capable of achieving greatness.
Life, is more than fragile, and should never be taken for granted, only advantage of.


If you don't know, when I was in the hospital back in June, I was diagnosed with pre-diabetes, which soon leads to type 2 diabetes. Oh how I despise being a number, a statistic. I want to be more than that. I don't want my life to be controlled by addictions, and disease's. They wont let me live, they don't want me to be happy. I want to copy and paste some information on this:

"...Recent research has shown that some long-term damage to the body, especially the heart and circulatory system, may already be occurring during pre-diabetes."

BUT... (always a 2 double edged sword)

"...Research has also shown that if you take action to manage your blood glucose when you have pre-diabetes, you can delay or prevent type 2 diabetes from ever developing."

I have always been good at studying, that I can handle. So I am deciding to do my studies, and then to take action. I have a goal, to have lost to lose 100 pounds by January. I want to stop this disease from stealing my life, which is rightfully mine, to share with whom I choose, and I do not choose to share it with my addictions and diseases.

I want to turn my life around, or rather, not go back, but forward, but to get back on track.

I am getting ready for school, I am hoping that this will be my last school year in Utah, I am moving [hopefully] to California in about a years time. I am very excited, it has been my dream to go to fashion school there, but unfortunately, and fortunately I haven't had all the pieces fall together to get there, but my time is coming, its my time to lose weight, to be healthy, to feel my dreams, and watch the silver lining come out.

I have alot on my mind and my fingers are sporadically frantic as I struggle to pull life back into perspective. Change has always intimidated me, but when it is the only option, I have pulled through more than I expected.