Today is an OK day

I really just wanted to write something (note the word something because currently I don't know what I want to write about, so maybe just through starting I will find out) today. My fingers are finally freed up enough from homework that I can afford to spill my feelings out through virtual paper.

I don't know why I wanted to write so badly today, enough to neglect homework...but maybe someone will read this who needs to hear it. I want to share something about my mother and mine relationship.

My mother has always been a good mother, she is human, but who isn't. When you calculate humanity into parenthood, she has far beyond that which is expected. In my life I have been greatly hurt by many. The stories I can share with you, would astound you, because they sound like they are the the things you can only dream of seeing in the movies. But that is not today's purpose for writing. When all was said and done, I would come home and cry, quietly and alone. I didn't want anyone else to see, in fear that they would recognize weakness and vulnerability, and prey upon it.

Shutting the people I love most out, and not a gentle shove either. I was harsh, and bitter. When the people who should have been getting what I was dealing got the exact opposite. Anyways. I was not the best daughter, nor sister during a certain period in my life, in fact I am surprised that they dared to even speak those words to me...those words were like an upgrade. Truth be told, I regret everything I did and said to them-everyday. My past actions stay with me, and to lose them is like losing 600 pounds. Hence the difficulty.

Although I was cruel, I still loved them very much, and they have proved that they still love(d) me. I strived so highly to obtain their acceptance, their approval, always being 1st in the class, always coming home with good grades, and next to perfect attendance. Never doing anything like what high school kids do....and yet it still wasn't enough. I still feel an empty, bottomless pit, a void that everything plus some that I, (Myranda Wilson) had and would ever do, would never be enough to amount to something of great value, of great appreciation, of great importance, something worth acknowledging and complimenting and praising and pining over. I would never be an inspiration...is it too much to ask to be recognized for greatness?

Well to get down to it, I have completely and utterly trashed my relationship with 2 very important people. And I deserve the karma that is making its rounds. Trying to repair a relationship, that has been tattered and torn is like trying to mend a wood door that has been splintered into millions of pieces...I know I cant do this alone, I must heavily rely on my older brother to do much of the healing-because without it wouldn't happen because in all honesty, I am nothing.

There is a new song out on the radio by Miley Cyrus, not that I am a die hard fan, or even a fan. But I really liked the message behind this song, and I want to share the lyrics, because it helps remind me during the more trying times in my life to keep my chin up. I feel somewhat more at easy, now with the reminder of homework, I am back to reality...

I can almost see it

That dream I’m dreaming but

There’s a voice inside my head sayin,

You’ll never reach it,

Every step I’m taking,

Every move I make feels

Lost with no direction

My faith is shaking but I

Got to keep trying

Got to keep my head held high

There’s always going to be another mountain

I’m always going to want to make it move

Always going to be an uphill battle,

Sometimes I'm going to have to lose,

Ain’t about how fast I get there,

Ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side

It’s the climb

The struggles I’m facing,

The chances I’m taking

Sometimes they might knock me down but

No I’m not breaking I may not know it

But these are the moments that

I’m going to remember most yeah

Just got to keep going

And I,I got to be strong

Just keep pushing on,cause

There’s always going to be another mountain

I’m always going to want to make it move

Always going to be an uphill battle,

Sometimes I'm going to have to lose,

Ain’t about how fast I get there,

Ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side

It’s the climb

There’s always going to be another mountain

I’m always going to want to make it move

Always going to be an uphill battle,

Sometimes you're going to have to lose,

Ain’t about how fast I get there,

Ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side

It’s the climb

Keep on moving

Keep climbing

Keep the faith baby

It’s all about

It’s all about

The climb

Keep the faith

Keep your faith