*sigh*

It is a beautiful Sunday, a gorgeous Easter morning. HAPPY EASTER.

It is so beautiful to know that my big brother conquered the grave so long ago, and that He not only gives me permission to conquer my trials and weakness in faith, but with His grace, and with Him by my side.

Because He did it, I can do it too.

What hope and gratitude this brings.

Anyways, I have been dying to get my fingers moving, my head churning and thinking.

So here it goes.

I feel change working inside of me. Inside my heart. This time its for me. Not for some stupid boy, not because "I have to", not for a ridiculous dance teacher. For ME.

Introspection is a wonderful thing. Although at times it can be intimidating and frightening what you see. But when you face your worst fear (which in this case, it has been me, my greatest enemy), when you no longer peek through the door, but kick it in, and look everything that has taken your heart captive in the eyes. It knows its time of reigning is over. And it leaves.

Oh I feel as if I have had such a cold, isolated, black heart. It is good to feel it come alive again. Just as Christ rose from His grave.

I know He is going to help me through this. Besides I need Him. Without Him, I am nothing. I cannot achieve anything.

I am attempting my (oh I don't know how many times exactly!) 300th time to lose weight. I have lost focus, I stepped off my path and have wandered. I am trying to find my path again. And I can feel that it is going to happen.

At one point, I lost everything. I stopped caring.
Where did my drive and passion, inspiration and ambition go? Why did it leave me? I asked myself these questions, yet found no answers that would satisfy my desire to find them. None of the answers lead me to what I was seeking. Why? I was running in circles.
They have not left me, my heart left them.

It often times takes someone to learn something difficult years of practice, hours of dedication. Why is it different to get through life?
Is life not difficult enough? I believe it is.

I am just going to take my life one day at a time. Otherwise, everything, life, is overwhelming. And I shrink from taking on the world all in one day. I mean, I can barely handle myself.

So here is to something better, brighter, my future.