Do you know how many wet pillows are there tonight?

In the painful moments I allow myself to slip into, I remember your absence in my life, that I struggle to forget.
Tonight is difficult, as my thoughts linger in the past.
I feel as though, someone is inside of me, my heart,tearing down the walls of protection-every beat hurts. I begin to cry as I allow myself to miss you; I never hear from you. Time ticks away.
There is a void only you can create.
I wish I could push replay, here I go again. I cant live in the past.
There is nothing to ease my mind tonight. The stillness scares me, as I can hear my every thought, every memory of you, even those buried deep down, behind this and that, covered in dust, they have been there for time, years...yet they reappear. Night is an enemy. Time slows...allows agony to settle in.
Your near, but I cant feel you.
I wish I could flush you from my memory, yet I cannot as you are installed in my heart. A friend is hard to forget.
I want to be heard through the sorrow screaming from your disappearance.
You cause pain. For me, and her, for them.
You told me once you loved me, admired me, that I made you proud...does that still stand?
I don't if i should apologize or scorn. Wait, and keep waiting, or leave...
Because of her pain, I feel pain.
We still love you, come home. You can be you at home.