My never

I just needed to write something today, now.

You keep on hurting me-and you probably don't know, because I don't dare say, and because you don't care. False and empty promises-I have fulfilled my part of the bargain, but it seems now, more than ever, it is me you have an issue with, and are making attempts to assure my failure in this contract. Though we didn't sign with ink, or even blood. We signed with our words, and that should mean everything.

Too often, everything means nothing.

There are things I wish I could say to you, but know that I probably never will, as this is more of my private world, one you don't care to visit any longer. I don't want to hurt you-ever. I am even willing to accept my pain instead of causing yours.

I wish I could say that I miss you, so much-because I really do. But I don't want to.
I want to tell you how much I love you, I always will.
I wish I could erase everything, just so it wouldn't hurt anymore, but then again, I would probably lock those "erased" memories away, because I cant bear to part with them, some were the best in my life.
I wish I could tell you to be here with me, for me.
I wish I could go back to that one night, after we had the best day.
I wish that you had kept your promises.
I wish I was something of more worth to you. Like I used to be.
I wish that you didnt change.
I wish that I didnt pull away so quickly from the pain you are causing me, but I have to-for me, for once.
I wish you made me happy, instead of what I feel now.
I wish I didn't want to say any of this.
I still want you to be a part of my life. But I am not sure how much.
I'm sorry.
I want to know if you will think of me, 10, 15, even 60 years down the road. I know I will.


I don't regret anything we have done together, it was good. Then.
I don't have anything more to say right now...I try not to think about it, you too often.