What I long to hear...my heart longs to hear...

August to March. My longest months. My hardest months. The loveliest months. Such a contradictory. These months I find are the most romantic of the year, and everybody seems to have a somebody. I want to cuddle by a far, be held because it is cold, and share my kisses with my best friend. I want to be hugged until my heart stops beating and he takes my breath away. My heart is filled of loneliness. And I am scared of lonely. It is hard to stand alone. I try to be patient, but I need comfort late at night. I got lost in a dream. The heart I hear beating is my own. Imagining is a great comfort, but when my mind won’t allow my heart to produce what I see, I can only see myself standing on a bridge alone, beautiful. And waiting. It is hard.
Love is enough. If I had love, it would be all I need. I am dehydrated from it. Oh how I long to be immersed in such a dream. It will spill out his mouth like a rain storm falling on my face, or a waterfall to swim in. I wonder what it would feel like to find the one I have been dreaming of – but dreams are never enough. I want to find the one I will spend forever with. I will search the ends of the earth until I find him finding a diamond in the rough isn’t an easy thing to do; but I don’t want to be the last one, and I want to love fiercely while holding someone’s life in my hands. I want to feel like someone cares. I want to be pursued.
I long to hear that I am beautiful. That I am needed. Wanted. I want to hear that I am loved. I want for someone to want to spend their life with me. I want to hear that out of 8 billion people here on this earth, I am the one that they want to spend forever with. I want to hear and say "I do". Why is it so hard to get the one thing I want. The one thing I am without. I feel desperate for it. But I cannot act it.
All these things I want to hear, I need to hear on a daily basis. Until then, friends will do. I need them even more.
Missing Treasure

The missing treasure of this sinking vessel

On the seafloor, where it would nestle

Against the base for years it'd lay

Patiently waiting for that special day

When I would come to claim my prize

Hoping the chest to my surprise

Would hold the heart that I've been missing

The talks, the laughs, the hugs, the kissing

That day has come and now I'll find

What lies ahead, no longer behind

I've searched through darkness, to the deepest sea

And found that chest staring back at me

What lies inside, I do not know

Unlock the latch and open slow

I peek within, with nerves I'm shaking

The prize inside could stop the aching

Cause within the chest that I've searched for

I found the heart and even more

The talks, the laughs, they all were there

The hugs, the kisses, for me to share

The most beautiful treasure I've finally seized

Did not imagine I could be so pleased

I searched so long through the deep sea blue

I love you baby, my prize is you- Jordan Schnarr -