All I really, truely desire and want for Christmas is...

The expressions of my heart are difficult to speak of, because in all honesty, I don't think that any words, or combination of them will ever fully justify my heart. It has a song that can only be heard by those truly listening to me.
Winter is the most beautiful time of year, but also the most loneliest. Not even Valentines day can strip me like this. I at constantly reminded that yet again, as another year passes, I am single, with no suitors in sight, only one in mind, yet he is half way across the world and will not be able to show me his smiling approving, seeking face for a year and ten months.

All the couples together, getting married, walking hands, holding each other in the cold, smiling while they look into each others eyes, and gifting and showering each other with kisses and symbols of their love and affection for each other.
The best thing i can do is stay busy, focusing on my future goals, but then again, I want him, I want someone to be part of my future goals. Really that's all I really want deep down inside, a man to hold me, love me, tell me he loves me, adores me, shares with me, needs me, wants me. If all these are such simple actions, then why is it so difficult to come across it, and actually keep it?

The men in my life, or lack there of, have rarely measured up to what I want in my husband, only one. I can find no flaws with him, or I may be just smitten completely and oblivious to any imperfection. I decided I was not going to settle for less than I deserve, but am I aiming too high now? I have quite the task ahead of me. Although I have the best family, and the best of Gods elect as my friends, there is one part they can all never meet; only the love of my life. Wishing I had 20-20 vision both looking forward and as foresight, I could see if we would spend every day until the rest of our lives together, because that's what I want.

I want cuddle by the fire in his arms with a cup of hot coco, and listen to his heart beat while the melody of crackling fire, and soft floating Christmas music sails through the air, and the world is painted a glorious white by Gods touch, with bright small magnificent colors lighting up the world around us.
I am constrained and reluctant to tell him, I do not want him to lose focus of his goal, but I do not want to be forgotten nor replaced... Hopefully he can hear my hearts crying song for him across the world, I can only pray that this is true; his is distant, I don't want to imagine it up to make me feel better, but my young heart needs to for survival. Maybe he really did leave his heart with me when he walked out my door for the last time, and he coming back to get it, or give it completely when he returns.