Never too far away is all I want.

It has been a long time since I have written here. I have been pondering life and everything in it from the center of my being. I have come to a few conclusions:

There is definitely some changes that are needed immediately.
I have a good life-good people.
I am only as sick as my secrets, mind over matter.
I want the good, the best things in life, but I haven't been giving myself them.
I am capable of achieving greatness.
Life, is more than fragile, and should never be taken for granted, only advantage of.


If you don't know, when I was in the hospital back in June, I was diagnosed with pre-diabetes, which soon leads to type 2 diabetes. Oh how I despise being a number, a statistic. I want to be more than that. I don't want my life to be controlled by addictions, and disease's. They wont let me live, they don't want me to be happy. I want to copy and paste some information on this:

"...Recent research has shown that some long-term damage to the body, especially the heart and circulatory system, may already be occurring during pre-diabetes."

BUT... (always a 2 double edged sword)

"...Research has also shown that if you take action to manage your blood glucose when you have pre-diabetes, you can delay or prevent type 2 diabetes from ever developing."

I have always been good at studying, that I can handle. So I am deciding to do my studies, and then to take action. I have a goal, to have lost to lose 100 pounds by January. I want to stop this disease from stealing my life, which is rightfully mine, to share with whom I choose, and I do not choose to share it with my addictions and diseases.

I want to turn my life around, or rather, not go back, but forward, but to get back on track.

I am getting ready for school, I am hoping that this will be my last school year in Utah, I am moving [hopefully] to California in about a years time. I am very excited, it has been my dream to go to fashion school there, but unfortunately, and fortunately I haven't had all the pieces fall together to get there, but my time is coming, its my time to lose weight, to be healthy, to feel my dreams, and watch the silver lining come out.

I have alot on my mind and my fingers are sporadically frantic as I struggle to pull life back into perspective. Change has always intimidated me, but when it is the only option, I have pulled through more than I expected.