Butterball, my little man, died this morning at 2:20AM, he has gone where I cant follow. I have stayed up all night, despite my lack of energy already and my heavy weighted eyelids. I hope I eased his passing. I hasn't even been over 30 minutes and I miss him already. He was a great comfort to me many times. And to see him suffer so, breaks my already broken heart. Maybe for selfish reasons I fought so fiercely to keep him here. I tried denying that he was dying, until the undeniable finally came as I watch him walk the fine line of a life here, and a life in the spiritual realm.
I told him I wouldn't ever give up on him. Hope seems to be an illusion. I am so far beyond exhaustion, I cannot bear to sleep. Death is bitter-sweet. Leaving family and friends behind, while, for the sufferer, it is sweet. I miss him so much-I want him back! There is no amount of crying or pleading that can do so. I prayed for a miracle, I wanted that miracle.
I cannot write no more, as the grief and sorrow of my heart is weighing this computer down too much as it might break the boards. It wanders if it is strong enough to pull though this.
Butter, I love you, I appreciate everything you have done for me, you will be missed.
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