Almost 20

ok, so I am young. I have my whole life ahead of me, but today, I am left feeling the pangs of loneliness. True, soul suffocating loneliness.

Surely I have wonderful friends, amazing. My closest and best friends are amazing. But they too are living their own lives, and I wish I was more a part of theirs. There is something inside of me I wish to be able to share, everything and inside of me.

But I am selfish too. I want to be someones special one.
The one that they know, no matter what, that they want to spend every moment with me, talk about everything with me, discover life with me. Me and me alone.
I want to be enraptured with love.

And although my friends love me, they cannot offer what I seek.
There is so much I want to do and say, places I want to go, things I want to see.
I want a hand to be there as I do those things.

I am faced to force my lack of a serious relationship with every corner I turn, a couple kissing, a new facebook notification "engaged" relationship change, I go to church and things are constantly discussed time and time again.

There is so much in my life I feel like I need to work on, and quite honestly do. I dont know where my future husband is, what he is doing...I would like to think I knew, but time after time, over and over I learn that I really dont know too much. I would like to say that I know where is he is. There is someone I like, but unfortunately I dont know my future. And I hate getting caught up on someone I dont know wat will happen when things have only begun ever so slightly and yet I fall deeper and deeper.

My husband must be in the works...I know I will have one. I just wish it was him...